Staring at the blank page before you

Open up the dirty window

Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find…

Jasper drawing at Starbucks 01-blog

Today is where my book begins. The rest is still unwritten.

2015 has been the year of questions both answered and unanswered.  The main question I faced was how to stay afloat in a sea of waves that I felt were carrying me every direction except the one that I wanted to go.  This summer I faced a moment of surrender to the rocky seas.  I realized that the waves were not meant to harm, but to push me in the best direction.

I felt very much that my future was already written and that it wasn’t one that was excited me.  It wasn’t one I would choose for myself, if I held all the power to choose.  I was feeling stuck in the mud, as my former toddler use to say when he didn’t want to do something.  The mud was self-inflicted and imaginary. All he had to do was stand up.

I, too, had to stand up.  Once I gave up the fight, so to speak, I started to see bits and pieces of the shore. Though everything was certainly not perfect, the pieces were falling into place.

God was in the business of providing some needed change that would shake up the monotony of right here. Through that, I began to see anew that I could trust Him with much larger things.

If He could provide a school for my daughter and more time outside the four walls of home for the rest of us, He could provide for the other concerns of our hearts.  But, first and foremost, He was just concerned with my heart that was starting to lose hope. I felt a very real call from God to just turn from my striving and seek Him.  The real answer to all my questions.  That was exactly what I needed and still need each day.

God showed me that while He has certainly written my future, it isn’t second best to my imaginings.  His plans are bigger and better than any dream I could dream.  Right here, with exactly what we have, at this exact moment, is good.  But not just good, BEST.

I guess you could say that He is disciplining me in trust and contentment.

I’m living with my arms wide open to God’s plans for us, whatever they may be.  I still pray for those little heart’s desires, but I won’t break if that’s where they stay.

This new school year is so different already and I’m encouraged by all the growth I’ve seen both in me and my students.  All I have to do is be faithful to the day’s work. Fruit is on the vine.

Linking with Good.Random.Fun, Songography, Black and White Wednesday, and Wednesdays Around the World.

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  1. So glad to hear that after a rocky summer you’re feeling growth and better with things! Prayers it continues.
    Tamar recently posted..Book of LifeMy Profile

  2. First – gorgeous light with those windows.

    Second- I’m happy to hear that you are finding your peace & things are moving into place. It’s all good my friend.
    Gina recently posted..Monster BrowniesMy Profile

  3. Such a beautiful message that likely all of us need to hear…thanks for sharing.
    Jill Foley recently posted..September’s BeautyMy Profile

  4. As is often the case when I’m under the weather and ‘pulled back’ from many of my usual endeavors, I end up with the “what’s it all about Alfie” blues….. Whew. They’ve been in full swing these past few days! Today I really can’t seem to shake it off. Oh well. I know it will pass – but this “what does my future look like, and am I the author of my days” dilemma is so real. Too real! I do know there are truths and disciplines to which I am not currently surrendered….methinks that adjusting that will re-align the bigger picture. Sending Hugs…and thanks for sharing and pockets full of understanding!
    Adrienne recently posted..Black & White Wednesday ~ FriendshipMy Profile

  5. Fantastic picture, incredible light. Things normally do have a way of working out even though we don’t feel like it will in the moment, and often we feel like circumstances and routine are the master of our destiny, rather than the other way around.
    Nicki recently posted..song*ography | pictures …My Profile

  6. We see only a tiny bit of God’s plan for us… One day we will see the full picture.
    jandi recently posted..Our Adventure: Calverley, LeedsMy Profile

  7. Ahhhh, yes. God certainly has all of our lives written. But it is up to us if (and how) we decide to read, interpret, and act upon what is before us. This post fills me with such hope and optimism. Thank you for that! And that photo???!!??? Perfections in every sense of the word. Love it in BW. The contrast is spot on. And that light! I love how you “see’ the light. Both in photography and in life. Thank you for sharing at Song-ography.

  8. Gorgeous photo and wonderful thoughts. So glad you are coming up from being stuck in the mud. My Blessing used to say that too when she was younger-mostly when she wanted Daddy to pick her up even when she was in inside.

  9. “I realized that the waves were not meant to harm, but to push me in the best direction”

    Wise words indeed and a lovely insight into your experience 🙂
    Tanya recently posted..Love in Black and WhiteMy Profile

  10. Such a lovely photo, and touching words. God bless you all.

  11. You’re brave to not leave this unwritten, but to post this! Often, most of the war is within ourselves. Sometimes we forget that our calling changes, like seasons. Am glad you decided to get yourself unstuck from the mud. You are destined to fly and soar to several destinations!
    Jesh StG recently posted..THE TALE of one of my PLEIN AIRS … and an Imaginary WalkMy Profile

  12. “His plans are bigger and better than any dream I could dream. Right here, with exactly what we have, at this exact moment, is good. But not just good, BEST.” – Amen. Thank you, Kim, for another thoughtfully written post that we can all relate to and often need to hear…
    Catherine recently posted..Autumn in Paris: La Vie en Orange…My Profile

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