Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find…
Today is where my book begins. The rest is still unwritten.
2015 has been the year of questions both answered and unanswered. The main question I faced was how to stay afloat in a sea of waves that I felt were carrying me every direction except the one that I wanted to go. This summer I faced a moment of surrender to the rocky seas. I realized that the waves were not meant to harm, but to push me in the best direction.
I felt very much that my future was already written and that it wasn’t one that was excited me. It wasn’t one I would choose for myself, if I held all the power to choose. I was feeling stuck in the mud, as my former toddler use to say when he didn’t want to do something. The mud was self-inflicted and imaginary. All he had to do was stand up.
I, too, had to stand up. Once I gave up the fight, so to speak, I started to see bits and pieces of the shore. Though everything was certainly not perfect, the pieces were falling into place.
God was in the business of providing some needed change that would shake up the monotony of right here. Through that, I began to see anew that I could trust Him with much larger things.
If He could provide a school for my daughter and more time outside the four walls of home for the rest of us, He could provide for the other concerns of our hearts. But, first and foremost, He was just concerned with my heart that was starting to lose hope. I felt a very real call from God to just turn from my striving and seek Him. The real answer to all my questions. That was exactly what I needed and still need each day.
God showed me that while He has certainly written my future, it isn’t second best to my imaginings. His plans are bigger and better than any dream I could dream. Right here, with exactly what we have, at this exact moment, is good. But not just good, BEST.
I guess you could say that He is disciplining me in trust and contentment.
I’m living with my arms wide open to God’s plans for us, whatever they may be. I still pray for those little heart’s desires, but I won’t break if that’s where they stay.
This new school year is so different already and I’m encouraged by all the growth I’ve seen both in me and my students. All I have to do is be faithful to the day’s work. Fruit is on the vine.