Goodbye 2014

Goodbye to 2014.

january sky

There are just a few hours to go before this year closes.  I’ve been wrestling with my word of the year the last couple days and in many ways I feel completely stuck on 2015.

2014 was a great year in so many ways, but if I’m honest I put a ton of pressure on myself.  My word of 2014 was seek.  I did a lot of seeking.  Many questions were answered, and yet a few questions remain a mystery. I learned who I can count on to go through trench warfare with me and who will let me be completely honest without wounding me with my own transparency.  There was so much striving to figure this stage of life out and how “to be” in this time of our lives.  If you think about it, we are bombarded constantly by messages telling us how being this way or that way is better than that way or this way.  These kinds of parents are superior (in their own minds) to those kinds of parents.  People with this set of gifts are better than people with that kind of talent. My kid is smarter than your kid.  I could go on and on, you get the picture.  We are hit with so many messages saying, “do more, do better” and “be more, be better”. It’s exhausting.

But now, I’m sort of stuck on what’s next. Uncharacteristically of me, I’m going to give myself permission not to know or try to figure it out.  So, I suppose my words for 2015 are “pause” and “follow”.

I’m choosing pause because I need to just give myself room to live for the fun of it.  I don’t want to fill every space.  Space is the best place to reflect on what matters.  When I fill my calendar with too much, I lose that sense of true connection and reflection.

I’m choosing follow because in 2015 I just want to follow God in what He shows us.  2015 is His year just like every other year.  It’s not really my year to plan. There is so much freedom in saying, “You know what? I don’t have to know”. It’s okay to have desires and to seek their fulfillment. By the same token we need to rest in God to give us His desires, which truly are best.

I’m going to rest in that, imperfectly, of course.

 

 

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