Both Sides Now

Both Sides Now

It wasn’t that long ago, or so it seems, that I laid upon the ground staring at the clouds with imaginations running wild.  I’ve always been quite the dreamer.  I dreamed of what was to come with that delicious feeling of excitement of all that lay ahead.  College. Career. Marriage. Babies.  I was in a grand rush to get to the goods of life, and yet these things seemed to come to me at a snail’s pace.  It came to me much like Christmas comes to the child eager for Christmas morning, but it came.  And it has all been good.

I’m 41…and a half. The half doesn’t hold the same clout it once held.   This year it has hit me hard that all of those anticipated things are now beyond me.  I guess you could say that mid-life crisis has paid me a visit.  I feel young.  What I feel inside, my mirror betrays.  A scattering of grays and lines have become my new companions.

I often feel sorry for age, but not wisdom.   I know that in many ways I’m just beginning.  I wouldn’t go back.  I’ve seen both sides now.  I’m blessed with most of everything I’ve dreamed.  Anything that didn’t come was to God’s good credit.  What broke me in youth has forged me into a strength I wouldn’t trade.

On days when age really gets me down, I just log on to Facebook and see faces of days gone by.   They’re old, too.   It makes me feel a little better.

Linking with Songography, Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now.



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  1. Ahhhhh, looks like we shared a similar thought pattern this week….must come with “AGE”, right? haha. You take wonderful photos, but did you know that you are also a brilliant writer? I love your observation that “the half doesn’t carry the same clout anymore”. Gave me a good chuckle. Personally, I’m glad it doesn’t…just makes me seem older than I truly feel. Love the processing you did on this photograph. I actually feel as if I”m laying in the grass, looking up at those ice cream castles in the air. Great job. Thanks for joining in on Song-ography this week 🙂

  2. This is so gorgeous, Kim! Perfect use of the new lens! Facebook is a great way to help me feel really old (“weren’t you two yesterday”) and young (wow, high school feels like yesterday!”)

    Happy Sunday! recently posted..Song-ography: CloudsMy Profile

  3. Thank you Kathy! That writing compliment means everything!
    Kim recently posted..Both Sides NowMy Profile

  4. This>> I often feel sorry for age, but not wisdom. So much this… and it sounds like we are exactly the same age I am 41 and not quite a half….


  5. Lovely. I totally with you!
    Sarah C. recently posted..Red RoseMy Profile

  6. But you know – as long as we learn something new our brains stay young! 🙂 I promised myself that I´d learn how to ride this year (I was never a horse freak as a girl, it was just dogs and dogs) – and on Tuesday I´ll go to riding class for the first time! I feel a year younger already, imagine how I´ll feel when I actually SIT on that horse..! 😀
    tinajo recently posted..Crete – part two!My Profile

  7. A tad bit ahead of you on the journey – but oh so relatable. Your image is perfectly matched to your words and sentiment. There are moments I would love to go back for a do-over — but mostly because I would slow down and take it in with greater appreciation, but then that wouldn’t be youthful – going at every curve as fast as possible, anxiously moving towards that “dream”.
    Nicki recently posted..both sides now / song*ography | and SHS…My Profile

  8. So thought provoking- I believe I have become more secure in who I am as I age. I have to just focus on that.
    Gina recently posted..Scavenger Hunt Sunday ~ August 11 2013My Profile

  9. From someone who dove deeply into those motherhood years and swam around with joy she didn’t know was possible – and hadn’t known to dream about – Let me just say that new dreams come…new visions and options and ideas. I so understand the conflicted feelings…(52 speaking here!) …which is one of the brilliant things (I think!) about Mitchell’s song! Your photo captures that feeling of movement that’s there when we’re lying on our back watching the sky! Lovely!
    Adrienne recently posted..PerspectiveMy Profile

  10. I hear you about feeling “young” inside my head but the body often protests those thoughts. Sometimes I’d like to go back but then again would I do anything different then I’ve already done. Your processing was so creative. Made me feel as if I were watching those clouds float by.

  11. I love your thoughts…and the processing on your image is fantastic!
    Sherri B. recently posted..Both Sides NowMy Profile

  12. Beautiful photo — lovely blur of the trees! And you do write beautifully. I think a lot about age, nearing retirement. I look at my kids and grandkids and think about how my life lives on in them. If they are thriving, I’m fine with anything. You will probably understand that when I sit in a church filled with people being led in worship by my son, I feel like nothing else I’ve done or have is really that important. It’s freeing. But still, I drift back into wondering if I’ll have “enough” time to do all the things I hope to do. It’s a daily struggle in faith. Your post is thought-provoking!
    Sharon recently posted..Ice Cream CastlesMy Profile

  13. Agree! It definitely helps to be in the company of others.

  14. clay callaway says:

    I love this… BEAUTIFUL!!! John Calvin was just talking about how he misses the days of high school.. the excitement of starting back every fall… and then he said in a way.. he doesn’t miss it at all.. I said ” bubs.. that ” in a way I don’t miss it at all ” feeling is the Lord reminding you… that these days are the best days.. CUZ WE are right here.. where He wants us.. doing what He wants us to do… these days are the Best days…

  15. I think our hearts are aligned on this.

  16. Absolutely beautiful post, K! “Anything that didn’t come was to God’s good credit. What broke me in youth has forged me into a strength I wouldn’t trade.” I agree 100%!

    BTW, I love that song. 🙂
    Buckeroomama recently posted..The Creativity Project | WaterMy Profile

  17. How comforting to hear I’m not the only one feeling (so) old… we’re about the same age! I so get this: “What I feel inside, my mirror betrays” – (Ohh the creaking morning bones and constant multiplying of gray hairs!) and agree with what you’ve so insightfully and beautifully written,… I wouldn’t go back either, though would love to tweak a few things 😉
    Catherine recently posted..P52: CommunityMy Profile

  18. Age is such a relative thing, isn’t it? The age we are just keeps feeling younger. But we look around and are astonished to see that we’re not the same age as so many younger ones! But we’re truly all in this together, and, in God’s grace, the present is just the right age for you and me (and the youngins will be 41.5 one day, too! 😉

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